Ages 12 to 15 My Teen Years

I was turning 12 and became a "wild child," according to my cousin who lived in Sauk Village. She would tell our family and my mom many things that were not true at the time. She told people I was sleeping around, which was not true. She told my family that I had written to a celebrity and claimed I was pregnant by them. I did not. I didn't even like that celebrity. She told my family that she caught me in the back of my uncle's truck, giving some guy a blow job. I did not. But yet, my mom believed everything she was spouting. I can't even tell you why,

This cousin tried to drown me two years before that in her pool. My grandmother had to pull her off of me by her hair. She hated my guts, and everyone knew that. So, I didn't understand how people were believing her lies. My mom ended up putting me back in therapy. I would go but not talk. For what? My mom didn't believe me anyway. Then came the day that I did get caught with a boy. My mom had a fit and sent me away to live in a Children's home in Tennessee. Seriously, it was like a week after I turned 12. I was gone just like that.

This place was a Christian home for children that were taken away from their parents, orphanage, and a place for wilds kids. I learned to like it there. I met some people there that I got along with well. So I could share with them what I went through. They told the house parents everything I was telling them, which started me in therapy there. There, I did talk, though, and was telling them what my second stepfather put us through and how much I have come to hate my mother. I didn't understand how she could believe him over me and that after the first time, I was in therapy, they told me never to be afraid to tell someone because they would believe me.

Yeah, that worked out well. I believed by then that my mom hated me. If not, why let him beat us and molest me? Why send me away after I was caught with one boy? How could she believe my cousin over me, knowing she hated me? While I was dealing with all these questions. My mom back home was worried about my baby sister. She had her father take her while she drove me to Tennessee, and he ran off with her and disappeared. I knew nothing about this until I came back home in December. I was in that home for four months, and my mom picked me up for Christmas and told me she was taking me home for good.

In between these four months that I was there. I met two girls and got close to them. One afternoon, one of the girls left her purse at school, and I was told to go with her and come right back. We saw the other girl on the way out, and she decided to go with us. We walked to the school and got her purse. As we left the school, a car pulled up, and the girls got in. I was told to get in, and when I didn't, the two guys got out of the car and chased me. Once they caught me, they carried me to the car and put me in. I wanted to return, but they wouldn't take me home since I had seen the guys and couldn't describe them. We were dropped off at one of the girls home. She was taken away from her mom for being unruly and always getting in trouble. The other girl and I were told we could stay the night but would have to leave the next day.

We left, and the girl I was with said another guy was picking us up. He did, and when I was near a phone, I called my mom and told her what happened. I didn't know where I was, so I told my house parents. We have been with him for two days, hiding in his room and his closet since he was a teen and lived with his mom. This girl that I was with was having sex with him as I lay on the floor. I noticed she slept with the other girl's brother when we were there, too. I guess she liked it, but I never heard her say no. Then came day four of us gone, and the two guys that picked her up that day. I was KIDNAPPED because that's what it was. I was taken unwillingly since I didn't know the number to the home. When we got to this other house with these two guys, I was locked in a room that only had a bed because they thought I would run. The thing is, I was afraid to run because I didn't know where I was or where to go.

The first night we were there, she was having sex with one of them. The other one came into the room I was locked in and tried to have sex with me. But he couldn't penetrate me and gave up. They were all drinking and smoking weed. So, as long as they left me alone, I was good. The next day, they left for a little while, and I was in the room, and the girl let me out. I told her we had to leave and go back home, but she said no, she wasn't going there. I found a phone and called the police, but I didn't know the address, so I let the phone off the hook. When the guys returned home, they brought us food, and as we sat there, the police showed up. The guys took off running out the back, and I stayed in the living room. The other girl ran into a closet and tried to hide. She was found, and we were taken to the police station, where I told them everything. They mentioned the other girl and said she was picked up the day we left there.

So, after spending a night in the juvenile center, they sent me back home. When I returned, I was grounded for two weeks, and they wanted me to go to my therapy sessions to tell them what had happened. The girl I was with the whole time was also returned to the home. But the one who was with us on the first day and went to her mother was put into a juvenile center. After we returned home, we were not allowed to be near or talk to each other in any way. One day at Sunday dinner, she tried to tell me that she was running away again. I told my house parents about this because I was not involved.

I had to do extra chores for my two weeks of being grounded. So, I had kitchen duty for two weeks, vacuuming and dusting all the common areas. I also had to help out at the church. Besides my homework and regular chores, it sucked. It didn't matter that I hadn't planned to run away or that they technically kidnapped me. I went and was gone for a week, even though I was the one who called the police and left the phone off the hook so they could trace that call. With the holidays approaching and we were preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas, everything was returning to normal. I was in a great spot in my life. I loved Tennessee, my school, and the children's home. I was in the church choir, and nothing had happened since I was gone. My privileges returned, and I earned more. Weeks passed, and Christmas was right around the corner. I was told my mom was picking me up for the break.

My mom showed up when I was packed and ready to get picked up. I gave her a tour around the house, introduced her to my friends, and showed her my room. She asked me why everything wasn't packed up and that I was going home for good. I said I didn't know that, and she helped me pack. My house parents said they wanted it to be a surprise to have my mom tell me, and that's why I wasn't told to pack everything. I hugged everyone and said my goodbyes, and I left Tennessee.

GOING HOME

On my way home, I slept most of the time. My mom talked to me, but not about anything significant. She told me we had to move while I was gone because our house was foreclosed on since her soon-to-be ex-husband hadn't paid in months. I would have to share a bedroom with my sisters to be prepared to see a smaller home with three bedrooms. My sisters were way younger than me. My middle sister was 6, and my baby sister was 2, almost 3. When I got to this house, I walked into the living room, and my sisters and brother were there with this man. My mom did not talk about him at all on the way home. She introduced us and told me he lived there and they had been dating for about three months. Of course, they have because my mom never learns her lesson.

I mean, why not have another random guy she barely knows live with us? Anyway, I said Hello to him and told him if he ever touched my mom or siblings, I would kill him and not hesitate. He looked at my mom, and she told him I told you what she had been through. What did you expect? I was angry. Not only did she never once mention him to me on the phone, in letters, or on my way home, but she expected me to be ok with it. I have gone through hell forever, and she does this again! Coming home, I no longer had to watch my siblings, though she had hired a babysitter.

Then, one day, she made a juice cup for my sister and put beer in it. She told me that she does that when she wants her to nap. When my mom came home from work, I told her, and she went to her house and told her she was no longer needed. This meant I would be the one taking care of them again. Before my mom sent me to Tennessee, I was trained at the library in infant, toddler, and adult CPR so that I would be the one to stay home and take care of my siblings while she worked. My mom worked at a pizza place from 3 pm to 11 pm and wasn't home until midnight. I had to watch them, and we were not allowed to leave the house except in the backyard.

By this time, I was used to watching them. It's not like it was different. We would go outside and have friends over if we wanted. It's not like I had no life. My mom didn't always work, and that's when I hung out with friends. This is also the time I started having sex. The 1st time I had sex was with two of my guy friends. I was bored hanging out and watching movies. I turned to them and said hey, let's have sex. They looked at me and said who? And I laughed and said all of us. Don't get this twisted. It was my idea, and I wanted to have sex with them. They were the ones that were like, really, this is what you want a threesome. I said yes, and we did.

You know what, though? I liked it. I had sex with them a lot for about three years. Sometimes, there were threesomes, mainly just me and one of them. They were best friends, so both knew what was happening. Also, I wasn't either of their girlfriend. I was just a friend with benefits. I was also dating another guy. He knew nothing about them. He thought we were just friends since I knew them before I met him. I started dating him a few months after sleeping with my friends. But he wouldn't have sex with me. He told me he had to be married first. During those first three months, we would go to the community center and play pool with two of my girlfriends. One day I went with just my friends, and one of them showed me a guy playing basketball, and I looked at him and fell in love. I told my friend that he was my future husband. Another girl turned to me and said that is my boyfriend. I said okay, but he would be my husband, and I walked off.

Two days passed, and I and another friend walked down the street. A car driving down the street stopped at us when this guy rolled the window down. We saw that we knew him from the community center and started talking to him. That's when I saw the driver, and it was HIM! My heart started beating fast, and I felt butterflies! I had to talk to him, so I went to the other side and started talking. We all decided to meet up later at my friend's house. We were all there talking and getting to know each other, and then me and I started making out. We ended up in a bedroom and had sex. After we were done, we returned to my house since I lived six houses down from her. I took him to my room, and we stayed up and talked through the night.

By the time he left, I was utterly in love with him. I knew he was going to be my husband. We started talking every day after that, and he was at my house almost daily. At the age of sixteen, he had two jobs. I met him one month before my thirteenth birthday. My actual boyfriend was also over every day and still was not having sex with me. Now, it was a game. Yes, I was the bitch who wanted to take his virginity. I was pissed because I was a "WHORE" or "SLUT" and guys were "PIMPS" and "DAWGS." I didn't find that double standard fair. I decided if they can do that, so can I. That is the mentality I had.

I am thirteen now and sleeping with seven guys. It took me six months of dating my boyfriend, and we finally had sex. By then, I honestly didn't care what I was doing and didn't find it wrong. I used protection with all but one of them. As I said, it was my idea, and they never pressured me. I was careful, and there was never anyone I had sex with that another friend had sex with because she at one time had like 6 STDs at once. With or without protection, I would not touch them.

On the other hand, my mom knew what I was doing and put me on birth control since she didn't believe I used condoms. I had no problem taking them, either. Some of you are probably thinking, why didn't my mom stop this? I figured out what the point was because I wouldn't have listened. It would have made me do it more. So why even bother?

So another year passed, and I'm turning 14 soon. And I was getting into all kinds of trouble. I was ditching school and shoplifting, and my future husband's girlfriend was always fighting with me. Not physically, just verbally. She wouldn't dare touch me. She sent her cousin this one time and her cousin's best friend to my house while she sat in the car. I told my mom to let them in so they could come downstairs as she had told them. We started arguing, so my mom came to my door and asked if everything was okay. I said yea, Mom, but you may want to call the police and tell them to get here in a few minutes to pick up two dead bodies. Needless to say, they left. I was livid and walked to the police station to talk to the two officers I knew so that they could calm me down. They did it took a while, but they did. Afterward, they started lecturing me about all the shit I do. I sat there listening to them. Of course, I trusted these two men. These two officers were the ones who always came to my house when I called the police on my stepfather.

They were also the ones who could talk my mom into pressing charges. They were in my life from the age of nine until now. They got me out of my issues. I would get lectured again, but I got out of trouble. So I didn't and have never gotten arrested. I was only asked to come to the station because there was a problem, and they needed to talk to me, which was my next issue with this girlfriend. I was trying to walk across the street, and I was in the middle of it when she was coming down her street, and she flipped me off and tried to run me down. I jumped out of the way, and her dumb ass stopped at the stop sign. I ran up to her car, pulled her out, and started smashing her face into her window. I was furious. I didn't stop until someone pulled me off. She left her can and walked home. She was right down the street from it. I continued on my way to a friend's house. We decided to go back to my house.

When we walked in, the phone rang. I picked it up, and it was my police friend telling me to get to the station, or he was sending a car. I told him I was on my way. When I showed up, he put me in the interrogation room and asked me if anything had happened today. You knew there was, so that's why I'm here. He told me when she got home, they couldn't stop her nose from bleeding, so they took her to the ER and that you attacked her for no reason. I said stop right there, and I did what now? I asked him if he thought it was for no reason since he knew everything about her boyfriend and me. He asked me what was my side of the story. I told him my side, and he cleared his throat. He said that I would be right back.

He returned to the room and told me I was free to go and no charges would be filed. I said, "Of course not." I also told him that if she kept threatening me, I would kill her the next time I got my hands on her. He said, "SHUT UP"! They are watching behind the mirror. I smiled, got up, and repeated what I said louder. " IF YOU KEEP THREATENING ME BY SENDING PEOPLE TO MY HOUSE AND TRYING TO RUN ME OVER, I WILL KILL YOU!!!" And I walked out of the room and walked home. As I walked home, the police officer showed up a few minutes after I left and took me back to the station to talk to me.

He wanted me to stop what I was doing and leave my future husband alone before something did happen. Then he pointed out that he was now 18 and could be arrested for statutory rape. I told him not without my mom pressing charges. He knew I knew that; my mom would never have done it. She never even threatened to do it with anyone I was with. So he just looked at me and told me to be careful. During this time, he started dating another girl. I had no idea about her until one day at school, and she tried to jump me with seven of her friends. During this time, I knew never to hit first and only to fight back. When I was in school, we didn't have that zero-tolerance bullshit.

She was yelling at me while everyone was telling her to hit me. I looked at her and said to her that if anything, she was dumb because he already had a girlfriend and he had been cheating on her with me since I was twelve. So technically, he was cheating on his girlfriend with her and me. After that was said, her "friends started telling me to hit her. I was waiting for her to hit me. Which never happened, so I went to my next class. After class, I was called down to the dean's office. He looked at me and asked what had happened a little while ago. A teacher saw it and told him it was me she saw. I told him that she tried to jump me with several other people. I didn't even know her name.

He knew I wouldn't lie to him. I was always in there, and he knew I didn't cause much of the trouble I was in. All I did was defend myself. For some reason, many people wanted to fight me. Over stupid things, like I don't say Hi to people or I talked to their boyfriend in class, Sometimes they claim they heard I was talking shit about the,m. What I thought was funny was I didn't know some of these people. I was in a few fights at school, but they hit me first, and there were witnesses. I got suspended, of course, but for like 1 day, maybe two. I could have walked away, but there were times I got so angry when they would push or hit me that I could not control my anger.

There was this time that they had a psychiatrist come in and give me a test. It was a packet that I had to fill out. I did the first page and noticed the same question on the second, but it was just worded differently. I was getting aggravated already. I did it, though, and then on the third page, it was the same thing. I threw the packet off my desk, and he picked it back up and told me to finish it while slamming it on my desk. I looked at him and stabbed him in the hand with my pencil. There was a guard in the room who pulled me out as I was screaming at the doctor. The dean called my mom and asked her to come down.

When she arrived, he explained what happened, and I said, yes, I did. Who the hell was he to yell at me and slam shit on my desk. The psychologist was asked to come in, and he explained to my mom that I had severe anger issues. She told them I was already in therapy. What more can she do? I was on meds and all that jazz as it was. He told her to have them try a new medication because it wasn't working. I went to my next therapy session, and my mom told him what the other doctor said. This therapist told my mom that he couldn't see me anymore because I didn't talk to him. I sit there for an hour, and that doesn't help me.

At this point, my mom started telling him I hated her, and she didn't know why. Why? You don't know why? I started yelling about everything that had happened to me since I was three and how she just let it happen after I told her when I was nine, how she didn't believe me, how she allowed him to beat me and my brother. She cut me off and said how she talks to me. He told her to stop and listen; this was the first time I had talked about anything. He listened to everything I was saying and started asking me questions. After a while, he told me my time was up. I was in there for almost two hours. But everything was off my chest. He had my mom make me another appointment so we could talk more. I was back there in a week. I went four times a month, and he was also my fourth therapist because I never spoke. Since I opened up because of my mom, he wanted me to stay with him and continue talking.

After a few more sessions, he told my mom that I was on the wrong meds and that he was changing them. He diagnosed me with severe PTSD, Manic Depressive Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I was on two new meds. He told my mom it should take two weeks to start working, and she should see a difference. There was a slight difference, not huge; it took me a little longer to get mad. I guess that was a plus. I also was a little calmer and didn't snap so easily. I think they were working until the day this girl I used to be close friends with kicked my brand-new jeans and got them all muddy. I calmly walked home, which was only three houses down. I put my pants in the washer and changed. They walked upstairs, grabbed a knife, and walked out the door.

I didn't even think about it, and as I walked up to her with the knife out, my boyfriend picked me up and took me back home. I was pissed and dropped the knife and walked back out, and punched her in the face. She started swinging back, and we ended up in the street. Her father drove past us and told her if she got her ass whipped, she would get her ass whipped at home too. He didn't even ask what started it. He just drove off after that. I beat her ass and went home. Another friend of ours helped her get home. Her dad ended up taking her to the hospital. I broke her nose and bruised her ribs.

Of course, they went to the police. My cop friends were off that day, so another cop picked me up at my house. When we arrived at the station, I told my story, and he told me they wanted me arrested for battery. As soon as he said that, I asked to speak to the Chief. I knew him, too. I knew the Chief because his son was mentally challenged and had no friends; I, in turn, didn't know this and one day saw him at the park and started talking to him. When his dad picked him up, he thanked me for talking to him. I was about ten at the time. It was one of the times my mom kicked her husband out. So, with that, I talked to the kids and his father a lot. I asked for him again, and the officer went and returned with him.

As the officer told him the situation, I explained my side. He told him to go get the girl and bring her back. He did, and we were both in the Chief's office. She was told that if she wanted to press charges against me, I, in turn, could press charges against her. We were waiting for her dad to show up so that he could explain it to her dad. When he told him that, he said that was bullshit, I broke her nose. But since I didn't start it, and she did, I can also press battery charges against her. He decided not to press charges, and I thanked the Chief and walked out. I was a week from turning fifteen years old and planning my birthday.

I never had parties and didn't like many people in my house. I went to the mall and movies and was done with that. It was summer, and I had never been home. My mom's boyfriend started watching my siblings when he was home. They have been together for three years, and we got along very well. But fifteen was one of my worst years. I was constantly getting into trouble. I had a cousin living with us, and she would tell on me every chance she got. She was four years older than me, in an abusive relationship, and just had a baby. Deal with your shit and leave me alone. Her dad hated her boyfriend, and she wasn't allowed to see him, but she did. So one night, my uncle came home, and I was watching a movie, and he asked where my cousin was.

I looked at him and said, "With her boyfriend." He sat outside and waited for her to come home. When she was about to park, she saw her dad and kept driving. She dropped her boyfriend off at his house and came back. My uncle pulled her out of the car and ended up punching her in the face. My mom yelled at me the following day, saying, "You know she isn't allowed to see him. Why tell on her?" Ummm, because she is always telling me that's why! She walked upstairs, and I saw she had a black eye. I careless all the shit she rats me out for and got me grounded. She deserved it.

Growing up, I didn't have much empathy. I was pretty cold-hearted. The only person I truly cared about was my future husband. So, as this year was happening, his girlfriend showed up at my house and picked him up to talk to him. Then she dropped him back off ten minutes later. I just laughed because of how dumb she was. She knew for a fact we were sleeping together. She wasn't even allowed to date him because her parents were racist. She snuck around to see him when she could. What was the point of even being with him? Around this time, he and I fought, and he told me he didn't want to see me anymore. At the same turn, he said he couldn't do that because he loved me. I'm like, if you love me, break up with her so we could be together. He then told me that he loved her too.

Seriously! How could you be in love with two people? I knew I loved my boyfriend, but I was in love with my future husband, and there was a big difference. I decided to break up with my boyfriend and stop seeing all the other guys I was sleeping with. I just wanted to be with him. When I told him this, he told me to don't start sleeping around with a bunch of other guys. We spent every day together, and he would sleep over. If he didn't sleep over, we would be on the phone until we fell asleep. Neither of us wanted to hang up. You probably think, what mother lets her fifteen-year-old daughter have a twenty-year-old man sleep in my bed almost every night? She never said anything about it until one day, and her boyfriend said I shouldn't be shacking up with him. Ummm, excuse me, what were you two doing? He said they were adults, and they could do that. I said well, if they can, so can I. That is when she tried to stop him from staying over. But every morning, I ask him if he wants breakfast.

He always did and then would take me to school and go to work. When I got home from school, he would be at my house when he got off work. I mean, isn't this dating? But he was still seeing his girlfriend. She wasn't threatening me anymore and pretty much left me alone. I just never understood why she didn't break up with him. She would write him letters saying how much she loved him and that she would kill herself. With that, he wouldn't break up with her because of these letters. She never saw him. He was always with me. I didn't get it. After a while, her sister, who was a year younger than me, wanted to protect her sister, and she tried to fight me.

I laughed at her on the phone, told her to try it, and hung up. Seriously, she wanted to fight me because her sister was too scared. Girl, go fuck yourself. Later that evening, my friend, her boyfriend, my future husband, and I were taking a walk. When a car pulled up, it was her older brother and her in the car. This man was twenty-two years old and wanted to fight me even though her boyfriend was standing right next to me. When I started to walk towards the car, she rolled her window up and locked the doors. I told him if he wanted to hit me, go for it, and if not, tell your sister to get out of the car and deal with me herself.

He tried to get her out of the car, but she wouldn't unlock the door, so he got in and drove away. My friend told my future husband why he didn't stop him from yelling at me. I laughed, said I didn't need his help, and he knew it. So, as the weeks went by, I was getting harassing phone calls and threats. I would record everything on my answering machine and keep the recordings, just in case I needed them, which I did end up needing them, not because of a fight or anything like that. But she went to the police station and told them I was calling her and threatening her. OH, I loved it! I asked them to come to my house. I had something to show them. When they showed up, I welcomed them into the house and started playing the tapes.

It's a good thing I was friends with cops. They would tell me a lot of things to do. I told them to tell her to leave me alone, or I was going to press harassment charges and tell her sister to back off. After they left, they went to her house and spoke to her and her sister. When they returned to my house, they told me they had agreed to stop the calls and were told they could have been charged for filing a false report. And, of course, my two cop friends found out and came to my house to talk to me. They knew by now I wasn't going to stop talking to him. It's been almost three years. I wasn't seeing anyone else, and I didn't want to. I barely even spoke to guys anymore unless it was hello and goodbye.

It sometimes bothered me that he wouldn't break up with her, and then I would remind myself when he saw her. So I let it go. Then, one day, I saw her coming out of his house, and I told him I was done with him, and he said the same to me. That lasted two weeks. He saw me walking down the street and came up to me and asked how I was doing and if he could take me home. We sat in the car talking for a long time. I invited him into the house, and we talked all night. He slept over and asked me when I would marry him when we woke up. You're funny. You have a girlfriend. So, probably never. He told me one day he would. Again, he would be at my house every day after school and wouldn't leave until late or early, whichever you decide. As the time went by, we were in a good spot. Even though he still wouldn't break up with her. Weeks and months passed, and we were going on another summer, and I was about to be sixteen.

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